Sarah

"I have two bodies"

I have two bodies. Not literally- that would be weird. But I have two bodies all the same. I have an old body, embarrassed of itself, hiding away under baggy clothes and trying to follow the rules of fashion but still diverting attention away from itself at any given opportunity. A body that tries in vain to hide the curves that have come with the recovery of an eating disorder. A body which refuses to leave the house without that essential dash of mascara and concealer. A tired body, worn out and unloved. A boring body, plain, unattractive and unwanted.

But I’ve found a new body. Its not here all the time. But when it is, its brilliant. My new body is proud. My new body stands tall, and confident and believes the people who tell it that it looks beautiful. It stands up for itself and holds its head high when it walks down the street. My new body forgives itself if its stomach isn’t totally flat, it can look at its hips as womanly rather than wobbly. My new body likes seafood, and might even be brave enough to have a regular coke if there is no diet coke left. My new body lies in bed next to its boyfriends and enjoys the feeling of his hand around its waist- even when it’s not breathing in! My new body has sex with the light on! My new body lets people- some people- see it without makeup. My new body is getting stronger every day- my new body is here to stay.

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